Nobody in all of Oz, no Wizard there is or was is ever gonna bring me down.

No one seems to get it these days. Everyone is in there own little world. It's nice though. For me, at least. No one seems to notice me slowly but surely retreating into my own little world. It's for the best though. No one seems to understand the heart ache I'm experiencing or that fact that this thing has to potential to sever certain relationships. Maybe it's for the best. . . Maybe not. I've found it hard to talk to anyone here in Charlotte. They just don't seem to get it. How things aren't what they appear to be. I guess that means they never really knew me. . . I've found my mom to be a great listener. We've developed this new found relationship. It's more like we're friends than mother daughter type thing. She's not afraid to tell me things that, maybe, I shouldn't know as her daughter, but it makes it easier for me to tell her things. I like how she's accepted my transition into adulthood. It makes it easier to be completely honest about things that are going on in my life. It's always been that way with my dad. I've always had an easier time talking to him and asking his advice, but now, I can ask both of them. I don't feel like I'm choosing one over the other.
Through talks with mom and dad I've realized that I've made a lot of decisions based on what other people want from me, or to keep other people happy. I've come to realize that I don't owe anyone anything. No one has done anything out of their way for me, so why should I compromise what I want for them? I've finally decided to take hold of my future and make my decisions based on what I want and what I feel is right for me.
This means I've decided to move back home after graduation and depending on how things go, I want to enroll in the spring semester at DCCC and get the credits I need to possibly transfer to Chapel Hill to get my Bachelors in Graphic Design. I've made the decision that, if Chapel Hill doesn't accept any of my credits from King's, that I'm just going to get what I need to transfer to a school in Minnesota and off I'll be. I think I've pretty much decided that North Caroline no longer holds anything for me. I am so tired of being here. The only thing that's really keeping me are the relationships I've developed with a few people. People I'm not yet ready to replace or leave. Not that anyone could be replaced. People keep telling me I've changed. . . Like that's a bad thing. But I haven't really changed, I've just stopped pretending to care about things that don't matter to me. If you don't like it. . . Get over it. I'm done doing what people expect of me. Not that I ever really did.
8 more weeks. . . I just need to get through 8 more weeks of Charlotte and then I'm gone. It'll be a huge relief when all this is over. I don't, for one second, regret the experience I've had here, or the people I've met. I just don't belong in the place any longer. I'm becoming restless. I need a change of scenery. AND FAST.
I don't really know what else to say that this moment. Besides, it doesn't matter right now. I'm just tired and grumpy. . . Not really grumpy. . . just tired.
NIGHT!
<33

79 days, 19 hours, 53 minutes and 44 seconds until graduation.

Graduation has been rapidly approaching since last September. It seemed that I wouldn't have enough time to learn all that I wanted and needed to learn. These days, it seems more like there's too much time to learn. This last term has left an unsettling feeling in my stomach. Not a bad unsettling feeling. More of an anxious feeling of the need to get on with things. I guess that's not unsettling is it? Oh well. These days stuck inside such a stressing environment have been long. I've wanted to days back that I spent in front on a Mac and worked at my own pace to create whatever the assignment might have been. Those days, amazingly enough, were so much easier.

Three weeks left in this term. October 24 marks the last day of the term, and I am praying it comes faster than it has been. 8 weeks or so after that, good bye King's and Charlotte and hello Thomasville and wherever I happen to be working. I'm so excited. I'm glad I've decided to move back home. I won't have to worry about paying for an apartment or any other big bills. I know I'm completely taking over my cell phone and all my insurance bills, but I'm so ready for the responsibility. Mom's pretty pumped about my return home. She's got a whole idea on how we're gonna redo my room and how it's gonna be like my own little studio loft kinda thing. It's funny. I'm really lucky that my parents support me in my decided major. Most people think I'm crazy. But then again, most people don't really approve as art as a way to pay the bills. I don't see why it matters. Mine is kinda like a sell out. I'm making art for corporations, not for the sake of creating. But I do that as well. There's gonna be a lot of painting and what not what's I get back home and get my "studio" set up the way I want it. I've got some ideas, and I, along with my mom's, it's gonna be something pretty awesome. I'm looking into getting some sort of drafting table to draw on. I'm gonna have my easel set up and hopefully I'll find a drop cloth that can stay under it. GOD knows there's enough paint splotches on the carpet in there. Luckily, they're covered by strategically placed furniture. It's funny. I really feel like I've made the right decision for me. Mom and dad keep telling me that. They tell me not to feel like I need to do something because they want me to or because I think it's expected of me. All they say is, "If you think it's the right decision for you, then by all means, Anne, do what is right for you. You don't owe anybody anything, not even an answer. Just do what makes you happy." I'm lucky to have such amazing parents as them.

Okay, so I am still soo pumped about graduation. Hopefully these last 79 days will fly by and things will fall into all the right places!

79 days, 19 hours, 32 minutes, and 42 seconds until graduation!

Okay, got some song lyrics. Haven't posted any in quite sometime. Enjoy!

This is the third time this week that I've found myself wandering down your street. And I can't seem to give it up. I've even stopped making these excuses for why you're stuck here in my thoughts when it's been long enough. And I try to keep myself moving, but I'm not going anywhere. I wait in the same spot. Brian like a parking lot. You're the traffic in my head. You're the reason that I'm wrecked. I pray for it to stop, like rain on the sidewalk. The traffic in my head, you're the traffic in my head. There's just too much to forget. Guess I should be happy now, everything is back to how it was before you came around. I'm already changing. And I've even tried to find a new distraction, but still you surround. As if it's not hard enough. And I try to keep myself moving, but I'm not getting anywhere. I wait in the same spot. Brain like a parking lot. You're the traffic in my head. You're the reason that I'm wrecked. I pray for it to stop, like rain on the sidewalk. The traffic in my head, you're the traffic in my head. A part of me thinks that I'm going crazy. The world's spinning, my vision is hazy and none of this makes any sense. I never meant for this to end. I can do what I have to do if I could only get around you. . . I wait in the same spot. Brain like a parking lot. You're the traffic in my head. You're the reason that I'm wrecked. I pray for it to stop, like rain on the sidewalk. The traffic in my head, you're the traffic in my head. There's just too much too forget. . . There's just too much to forget.
-Traffic- Marié Digby


To thing about love is I never saw it coming. It kind of crept up and took my by surprise. And now there's this voice inside my heart. It's got me wondering is this true? I wanna hear it one more time. Move in a little closer, take it to a whisper, and just a bit louder. Say it again for me 'cause I love the way it feels when you're telling me that I'm the only one that blows your mind. Say it again for me. It's like the whole world stops to listen when you tell me you're in love. Say it again. I thing about you is you know just how to get me. You talk about us like there's no end in sight. The thing about me is that I really wanna let you open that door and walk into my life. Move a little closer, take it to a whisper, and just a little louder. Say it again for me 'cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I'm the only one that blows your mind. Say it again for me. It's like the whole world stops to listen when you tell me you're in love. and it feels like it's the first time that anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain. Never in my whole life have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name. Say it again for me 'cause I love the way it feels when you tell me I'm the only one that blows your mind. Say it again. It's like the whole world stops to listen when you tell me you're in love. Say it again, say it again, say it again.
-Say It Again- Marié Digby


We were both young when I first saw you. I close my eyes and the flashback starts. I'm standing there on a balcony in the summer air. See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns. See you make your way through the crowd and say hello. Little did I know that you were Romeo. You were throwing pebbles and my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet." And I was crying on the staircase begging you please don't go. And I said, "Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby, just say yes." So I sneak out to the garden to see you. We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew. So close your eyes, escape this town for a little. 'Cause you were Romeo. I was the scarlet letter. And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet." But you were everything to me. I was begging you please don't go. And I said, "Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby, just say yes." Romeo, save me! They're trying to tell me how to feel. This love is difficult, but it's real. Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess. It's a love story, baby, just say yes. I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading when I met you on the outskirts of town. And I said, "Romeo, save me! I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come. Is this in my head, I don't know what to think." He knelt to the ground and he pulled out a ring and said, "Marry me, Juliet. You'll never have to be alone. I love you and that's all I really know. I talked to your dad. You'll pick out a white dress. It's a love story, baby, just say yes." We were young when I first saw you. . .
-Love Story- Taylor Swift


It's not everyday that I meet a person quite like you. Perfect every way. I finally found the nerve to confess that it's you that I want. I don't care if I act a fool. I would damn near beg for you. Put aside all my pride. So, don't keep me hanging here 'cause this girl is falling stupid for you. Oh, oh stupid for you. The proper thing to do is for me to act like a lady and wait for you to make the first move, but I don't think you're getting the point. That it's you that I want. I don't care if I act a fool. I would damn near beg for you. Put aside all my pride. So, don't keep me hanging here 'cause this girl is falling stupid for you. Oh, oh stupid for you. Why's it always feel like I am chasing love when nothing's there. And here I go just making the same mistakes. Falling stupid for you. Oh, stupid for you. Oh, stupid for you. Oh, stupid for you. Oh, stupid for you.
-Stupid for You- Marié Digby

Okay, well, I'm off to reek havoc around here some.
Nighty night.
<33

P.S.
79 days, 18 hours, 46 minutes, and 2 seconds until graduation!!!

It's not as easy as I'm making it look. This whole "okay" thing. But, it seems to be fooling everyone else. So, I guess I'm better than I think I am. I've got so much fluttering around inside me and most of it hurts. Things I wish I could fix, things I wish I knew more about. Things I wish I could change. I feel so disconnected from everyone here in Charlotte. Like I'm missing something huge, or being left out of some secret that I should be in one. I don't know, I'm just. . . uncomfortable here now. It's okay though, because 4 months from now, I'll be done, and free to do as I will. Whether it be stay here in NC or move to Minnesota. Charlotte isn't an option anymore.

I'm so unhappy here now. I talked with mom about it this past weekend while I was home. She said I was more than welcome to move back home if I felt that was what's right for me. The truth is, I'm not sure I know what's right for me right now. I do know, I don't want to stay here. I'm just not happy. I need to get away. . . and soon. I don't know who to talk to anymore, and all I'd really like to do is sit and cry some days, but what good is that going to do? None, but maybe make me feel a little better. But that's a HUGE maybe.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be here anymore.

We got here around, I would assume 12 something. . . More close to one than anything. I am, as we speak, sitting on the roof top porch breathing in the salty air. It's refreshing and I'm trying to take this solitary moment to breath and relax. I'm so wound up. I need to just let it all go and enjoy my time here with my friends and the fam. Sometimes I wonder if that's possible, and I realize how happy I am to be on my own (in a sense) at school. I don't have to tell anyone where I'm going, when I going to be back. I just do what I want. I'll just have to get over I suppose.

God, it's beautiful up here. I can see a storm rolling towards shore, but the breeze is more refreshing than anything. This house is incredible. There are three different porches: two are screened in, I believe, and the one I'm on atop the house. I can see a lot of other houses, but I can see the ocean as well. It's just. . . peaceful. The girls and I drove around the neighborhood with the golf cart, but that didn't last too long. The thing was almost dead so.

Hopefully tomorrow will consist of tons of swimming and sun block and laughing and having fun. I'm just ready for vacation to actually start. . .

LAter
<33

Thunder rolls as the rain beats against the window pane. I close the blinds and the room is swallowed by the darkness. I hop off the desk and grab my Mac. I flip through iTunes, my eyes burning from the sudden source of light, in hope of finding something to soothe my soul. I lay back on my bed as Kate Voegele’s song Hallelujah plays in the background. I close my eyes in hope to escape my current reality.

My mood, much like the weather, has turned sour. What caused this change; I’m not quite sure. I just know that no one seems good company at the moment. I think back through my day in hope to pin point any isolated instance that might have caused this sudden swing of emotion, but I can’t seem to find one. No harsh words, no disappointing grades, no rough patches with friends or family, nothing.

Why the deepening feeling of sorrow then? Why the need to extract myself from every living thing? Why keep myself hidden behind a locked door? If I had the slightest knowledge as to why, I’d answer these questions. Maybe then, I’d be able to pull myself out of this black hole that seems to be sucking my farther and farther in every minute.

Maybe if I lie here long enough I’ll fall asleep and wake up refreshed . . . more willing to greet tomorrow with a smile. There’s a thought . . . a good one, too. But why doesn’t it help settle this uneasy feeling in my stomach? This feeling that’s sinking faster and faster with every passing second.

I want to cry, but I can’t seem to get it started. I’m sure if I did I’d go on for quite some time. Who knows, I might feel better then. But what if I don’t? Then I just wasted some perfectly good tears crying over something that I’m not even sure of. Eh. . . Forget crying. I’ll save the tears for something worth crying for. Something worth sobbing uncontrollably over.

My hearts growing black, I suppose. Why else would I feel this way? Anyone have the answers? I didn’t think so. I can’t seem to help but wonder why I gave into this surge of darkness. Why I let it completely overcome me and leave me feeling helpless; like there’s nowhere to go to escape it’s debilitating grasp.

I guess I’ve become blinded by something in my subconscious. Maybe there’s pain there I’ve yet come to terms with. Pain that’s been hidden away inside my mind, sleeping quietly hoping never to be awaken because if it were, all hell would break free. The monster has been awakened and it’s taken this chance to slowly leak out and make itself know to the living. Not completely though. Just enough as to make everyone aware of its existence. He can’t expose himself completely. No, that would be foolish. If he did, he would be defeated before the damage could be done. No, he’s smart. He makes himself known, then sits in the recesses of my mind growing stronger and stronger until he has enough strength to do all that he has planned.

He doesn’t know that I’m awaiting his return. Hopefully, I will be of sound mind and body to face him at his strongest. It’s either him or me. And I’m pulling for me.

All that's left to do now is sleep.

So, what exactly do I say? What do I do to express what is going on inside me at this very moment?? The only answer I have is that I don't know. I don't know how I'm suppose to feel only one way. . . I'm so torn.

Found out last night that dad is moving to Minnesota the day after we get back from the beach. Mom is staying in NC with Paige so she can graduate from East (why she would want her to. . . I have no idea why). They decided that mom would stay here until Paige graduates and then she'd join dad in Minnesota. So, that's 2 years.I'm excited because it's a great opportunity for my dad and there are also the perks that I will be able to fly up north whenever I want to and enjoy the snow, and actual changes in weather. The down side is that I won't get to see dad but once a month. I owe dad dinner now. . . We made a bet that the first person to make it back north wins and the loser has to buy them dinner. I'm worried about mom though. . . A lot. She gets pretty stressed out when dad is gone for a couple nights a week. I can't imagine how she is gonna handle him being gone most of the time.

This make sit harder. . . kinda. . . to make up my mind about moving when I graduate. . . If I do now, I won't have to worry about going alone. . . My dad would be near by.

I still don't know what I'm gonna do. This is just a little too much to think about it. . . I'm going to bed.
LAter
</3? <3? Anne

Today was Mike's 22nd b-day. So, what do friends do for b-days? PARTY! Okay, not the typical college party here though. We went to Mike's house after classes. He lives in the middle of the woods on 11 acres of land. This place is BEAUTIFUL! He has a HUGE pond in his front yard and the front porch is connected to a series of decks that connect to a little dock. I felt really at peace while Nai and I sat on the front porch with Kelley (Mike's GF) and talked. I never thought I'd find a place like this in the heart of Charlotte. . . Okay not quite the heart, at least not compared to school, but he does live only 15 minutes from school (with medium traffic). We sat and talked. We danced. We jumped on the dock ALL at once to see if it would sink or if someone would fall into the pond. We played pool, and danced around. I managed to sneak off to take in the beauty, and to get a few quite moments to myself. *SIGH* It was nice to spend a night out with friends. After a few hours of hanging at Mike's we went to dinner and laughed endlessly. Then after dropping people off and what not, I took and shower and here I am.

I'm glad I got to spend time with the people I did. I'm interested in getting to know them all more. It's insane how
I've had classes with some of the people that were there tonight since the beginning of the year, and now it seems we might not have enough time to get to know each other before it all ends in December. (Random side not. . . my hair smells SOOOOO good right now. . . not that anyone really cares but it does. . . LOL)

SOOO yea. I've got some decisions I need to make in the next couple months. One of which is whether or not to move to Wisconsin in January to work with a printing company, or stay in NC (possibly Charlotte) and live with some friends from here. I've been praying about it and trying to decide what GOD wants, and at this point I'm not quite sure what it answer is. Part of me wants out of NC, but the other part wants to stay and live with my friends and create so many more amazing memories. . . So, I know I'm not quite at that crossroad yet, but I never thought that the time would fly by so fast. It seems like just last week it was the first week of school and our main goals were to remember everyone's name and make it to class on time. That time has passed and now we're at the point that we're begging Burroughs (our professor) to teach more hours in the later classes so that we don't have to feel like we're getting cheated. . .I just hope he teaches my lecture classes and that Johnson teaches the more computer/booked based classes. It just seems to work better that way. I already know I'm in the later group. . . so when we get back from out whopping 2 week summer break I'll hopefully have paid my late dues and be able to be in the earlier classes. Anyway. . . I've got 3 exams tomorrow, one of which I've got to at least pretend I studied for.
LAter
<3 Anne

The past two weeks have been really good. Last night I had a great night. Spent it driving around Charlotte with Nai, Dae and Sax. We had the windows rolled down and the music turned WAAAYYY up. We were rocking out to Harispray and singing at the top of our lungs. . . which always proves to be interesting. I enjoy the times we have that are so completely care free. It makes life seem that much easier.

Tonight I spent talking with Erin about the new guy in her life. She met him through the agency she works for. From what I've heard, he's a pretty amazing guy. We talked for several hours about a lot of things. Mainly memories from the past 4 years. We were talking about this park in G'boro that we always use to frequent with Robert and Josh. I think I might take Nai and DJ there on Sat. if we get a chance. It's the perfect time of year with everything blooming/ getting ready to bloom. Plus, I'd like to remember more of the times spent there and things that happened. I've been wrapped up in memories lately. It seems like life is happening so fast. In a couple months I'll be graduating and starting my own life. Who knows where I'll end up and what I'll be doing. Lately it's almost like every song I listen to reminds me of this one time with Robert, or that day with Stephanie. And then there's all those Saving Jane songs that just pull on my heart strings and remind me of all the hours spent driving with Erin and the late night talks and 2 am phone calls where one of us was so giddy we could barely stand it. I start to tear up thinking about it all because those days are so far and few in between now.

Erin and I have had a rocky time the past several months. It's interesting though because she's one of those people that I could never see not being apart of my life. We've have had the worst of our relationship and the best. I know I've said that I could handle not talking to her anymore but I don't think that's 100% true. She's one of those people that no matter what were to happen between us. . . even if I hadn't talked to her in years. . . if she needed me I'd be there at the drop of a hat. I'm finding myself growing closer and closer to her because I'm finding it easier and easier to be more open and honest about things with her. It's crazy because a couple months ago I was so ready to just be down with her. . . Now I'm seeing she's more apart of me then I've been willing to realize. I guess that kinda sounds weird but the girl knows what I'm thinking before I even get the chance to say it. She may not get along with the people who are in my life right now but I don't exactly get along with people all the people she has in hers.

I've always been afraid of growing up and growing apart from her. . . but I realize now that we may grow up and semi-apart, but at the same time we will always have that love there for each other. The unconditional love you find in family and in GOD. She has become more of a sister than anything. . .I sometimes forget all that we've been through and all that we've gained from being friends. I'm ashamed of myself for ever thinking that I was some how better than she is because if anything she's better than I am. She has done so much in the past few months to get herself in check. . .I only wish I could become as strong in my faith as she has. I only wish I could become the amazing woman that she is turning into. I think she deserves someone better than me as a best friend sometimes, but then I think that it's take to long to break someone else in. I'm going to work harder to be the amazing friend that she has proven to be to me. I just hope I don't disappoint her, myself, or GOD.

LAter
<33 Anne

So, the past few days have been pretty awesome. Pretty low key, and I've enjoyed it. Sunday I spent with the fam. It was okay. Sunday night before I headed back to school I snuck in a few hours with Robert. We played RISK and he smashed me. But that's okay, because the next time we play I will totally own him. He just doesn't know it yet. Monday I was feeling a wee be rebel-ish and decided to skip 4 of my classes. I went to my first one to take a test. And FYI I aced it. I'm just that amazing. I can't help it. Monday night I drove back to T-ville and had coffee with Robert. Well, actually I was suppose to have coffee with this REALLY cool guy I know, but he was an hour late. So, I settled for Robert. LOL (JK Robert). Came back to Charlotte and went to bad. Yesterday,as well as today, I went to all my classes just so I won't get a "beat down". Last night Dae and I cooked for Sax and Nai. We made them steamed fish. Then we made ourselves a salmon bake. It was soooo good. We didn't do to bad, I must say. Then we made chocolate mousse for a dessert thing. Today we went and saw Shutter. It was okay. Kinda reminded me of the Grudge. I think it could have been a lot better.

Took the picture of my kids down today. It kinda made me sad, but I'm hoping to get a new one of them a little more grown up. I really should take a day and go visit. I haven't in quite a while. I think that Jennifer has had her baby. It's so hard, because I enjoyed being apart of their everyday life. Now I'm lucky if I get to see them once every couple months. It's weird, but I'll get over it. I just hoped I'd get to see them grow up. . . Can't have it all I guess. I knew that, but it seems like I'm learning it more and more everyday.


I leave you with this quote that was given to me by an amazing friend:

"Never look back on your past with regret, but for growth. Always go for what you and GOD want, because at the end of the day all that your left with is HIM and yourself. Find yourself and be happy with you. When you get to that place, everything else will happen. Most of all, don't forget to breathe."

Good Night All.
Con Dios.
<33 Anne

I laid on the cold concert of a basketball court in the heart of Charlotte early this week. I was with Nai. We gazed at the stars while I listened to my iPod and she sang to herself. I hate the way the city lights drown out the beauty of the stars. It was almost as if they didn't exsist. When I got home Friday night, I stole a solitary moment to check out the same stars I was gazing upon in Charlotte. They were so clear, so crisp (in a sense). I was in awe of the beauty that was so greatly lacking among the blazing lights of the city.
It's crazy how two things tend to happen inside me when I'm looking at the stars by myself: 1.) I get depressed when I realize how big the universe actually is and how I'm such a small portion of it. I get that whole, my exsistence doesn't really matter feeling. I've been told that's something most people feel when they take in how big the universe really is.
And. . .
2.) How small things I do have a ripple effect to those around me. Just by laying with Nai that night on the basketball court, we became closer. We shared an experience. Sure, nothing was really said, but it's in those rare moments, when someone can just be rather then there having to be a crisis or deliemma, that true friends are found.
I'm working on learning how to just be nowadays. I was once told that I was good at just being. I've lost that talent in the past couple months. I guess I got caught up in the hype of school. It's impossible to live in an all girl enviroment and not get swept up in some drama, even if you didn't know you were involved.

I've been drowning myself in quite a bit of music this past week. It's easier for me to concentrate when I've got my iPod on. I find it easier to deal with life when I find sometime for myself. That doesn't happen very often these days. Between two roomates, three friends that I'm pretty much attached to the hip with, and my room at the house now serving as the craftroom, it seems the only time I get to breath is on the drive to and from school. Now that my classes get out at 4, I tend to run into alot more traffic and it doesn't bother me anymore. I take my time getting home and to school. I enjoy my "Anne" time. It's almost impossible to find a solitary place in the dorm. I've thought about asking Kaye for my own room, but I don't want to complicate things, and I don't want to move my stuff back upstairs. I take any moment I can get. I would walk more at night, but there's this thing I have with walking alone in the dark with the amount of hostile hobos in Charlotte.

Anyway, here's some lyrics from an artist I've recently become addicted to: Kate Voegele.


I couldn't make this up. I have been outed by my own kind. I always traded up, yeah. Now I'm the victim for the first time, and I can't pretend I'm not over the edge. Well, well baby, well do you know. You turned the tables on me, didn't you? My, my, my it serves me right. Now I get it, I get it, this is how hurt feels, and it's everything they say it is. I was untouchable until karam crashed my party. Found out I was crushable, oh, and I'm the only one who's sorry. It's unprecedented, I can't turn the page. Well, well baby, what do you know. You turned the tables on me didn't you? My, my, my it serves me right. Now I get it, I get it, this is how hurt feels, and it's everything they say it is. No, no, no, don't you go. Ido all the breaking up around here. No, no, no don't steal my show. You should be the one crying these tears. Well, well baby what do you know. You turned the tables on me didn't you? My, my, my it serves me right. Now I get it, I get it. This is how a heart breaks, and it's everything they say it is. Well, well baby, what do you know. You turned the tables on me, didn't you? My, my, my it serves me right. Now I get it, I get. This is how hurt feels, and it's everything they say it is.
-I Get It

OKay, I had planned on putitng more lyrics in here, but alas it will have to come another night. I'm off to bed. Sleep well and sweet dreams.
LAter
<33 Anne

It's been a LONG week. . . A really long week. We ended the semester and I am officially a Sophomore in college. I guess that's pretty exciting. Didn't really feel to good most of the week. Wednesday took a pretty exciting road trip to Fayetteville with Nai. Her great aunt is dieing of cancer and was leaving to go back to Samoa to die. It was the last time that Nai really had to see her and kinda say good bye. It was a fun drive there and back. I met some pretty cool people as well.

Kinda got to thinking a lot after finding out last weekend that one of G and P's friend's dad's died. It's crazy how it seems that it's hitting a little closer each time. What makes it crazy was the guy was about the same age as my mom and dad. I don't think I could imagine losing anyone that I'm close to, or anyone in my family. IT scares me to think that at any moment I could lost someone that means a lot to me. I just don't know how I would handle that exactly.

Nai, Dae, and Sax are here in T-ville with me. We've had a pretty good time. Laughing, dancing, joking. . .the usual for us along with G, P, and Seth. The hours just seem to keep dragging on. Why, I don't know exactly, but they do. Mom and Dad are up north and I wish I was there now. The keep sending me pics of snow. I'm craving some cold weather and snow. I'm tired of the south and would give anything to escape its hold. Hopefully in December I'll have found a job somewhere up there. Maybe I'll survive another day.

I guess I'm going to call it night.
LAter
<33 Anne

I'm here listening to a band that I haven't listened to in quite a while. Saving Jane. It's weird how much has changed in such little time. I still can't seem to grasp the concept that it's 2008. When I started school in September, I never thought things would turn out the way they have. Four months and what I thought was always going to be a sure thing, now is only a memory that fades a little more with every passing day. September and it's preceding months have brought forth a lot of change. I was aware of these changes, but not as big or as many as they have proven to be. Heading into school, Erin and I had finally seemed to be off the rocks after the whole Florida experience and not really being apart of my life for over 7 months. I was excited about being on my own, excited about the new friends and experiences that were headed my way. I was very optimistic about the year to come.
I sit here now, no where near the person I was then. I don't really talk to Erin anymore. The whole best friends for life thing just doesn't really seem to be in the cards for us. That use to scare me a lot, but now it seems like I'm the one maturing and growing more into an adult and she's still playing games. Granted I do have my moments when I act like I'm still in high school, but not quite as dramatic. I feel like a terrible person because when I get a text or a phone call from her (although they are far and few in between these days) I grimace a little. Is that terrible? Am I awful for having those feelings/thoughts? I don't know. I hate going back to T-ville for the weekend unless Robert is there or I get to see a very few select people. My sisters' company drives me up the wall (that's not all that new, but it's at a different level now), and I much rather sit up late with my mom and dad a discuss politics and the upcoming election, or something that has happen with people at work/school. There are a lot more ways that I've changed, or maybe I've just grown up. But really four months is not a lot of time but it feels more years have gone by in this amount of time. I don't know if I'm like who exactly I'm becoming, for the simple fact that I say things that at one point I wouldn't dream of saying. I'm kinda getting weary of the people around me. I really want school to be over so I can move and start my life, but I'm enjoying almost every moment of my college life. I have to pack in as much fun as possible because my schooling is so much shorter than most. I just worry that who I become will be someone that I don't like. That's the last thing that I want to happen; to become someone everyone hates.

Here's some things to add to that on going list.

Walking outside on cold nights when to sky is clear.
The idea of getting another Irish Wolfhound.
Finally getting Tuck.
Going back to visit at the day care.
Pay checks.
Seeing my kids growing up.
Casper taking up over half the couch when I'm trying to sleep on it.
Field trips.

The past couple weeks have been some what of a roller coaster ride, to say the least. I'm just glad JT's Luau is over and that I don't have to worry about that anymore. We have a snow day today. I'm hoping we'll have another tomorrow so that I can head home early. I've gotta pick up all the stuff I need for my term project in Graphic History. I've also have to finish my logo project for Comprehensive Drawing, as well as my 18 sketches of layouts for Typography 2. It seems like a lot of work. . . and it is, but not if I just sit down and do it. Which is proving to be more difficult than I thought. Anyway, today I thought I'd make an on going list of things that I'm thankful for and that make me happy. They won't be in any particular order. . . just as they come to mind.

Snow Days (the ones you DON'T have to make up! YAY for College)
Sleeping in late.
Late nights with old friends and new ones.
Star gazing.
Rebuilding/Rediscovering old friendships.
Phone calls that last all night.
Unexpected text messages/e-mails/phone calls/letters (in the mail)
Waking up at 2am and just painting for the sake of painting
Nai
Jadea
Saxoni
Shirley
Robert
Erin
Casper
Those songs that just fit the moment
Driving back to the dorm with Nai, Dae and Sax with the windows down and the music up
Starbucks


Well, I think we're gonna go play in the snow.
LAter
<33 Anne

So, this is kinda late, but 2007 is over. I was kinda sad at the ending, but exciting at the new beginnings that 2008 hold. I spent New Year's avoiding the mass of high schoolers at my house. It was kinda sad. . . At the stroke of midnight I was alone walking up the stairs listening to everyone cheer. It was. . .sad. Break wasn't too bad while I was home. I got to see Robert and we hung out like normal. I'm greatly enjoying rebuilding our friendship because I enjoy his presence in my life and he's one of the few people who are good at giving my these little pep talks that stick. I saw Erin, and I worked some. . .I enjoyed working. I miss the daycare a lot and I didn't realize it until I was there.
So. . .I came to Charlotte on Wednesday afternoon. It's been awesome. I've been staying with Nai and her family along with Sax and Dae. Yesterday, we all piled into my car and headed to T-ville. That was fun and interesting at the same time. The girls met Seth, Grace, Paige, Robert, Erin, Josh, and Jessie. Casper loved Dae. It was cute. He didn't let Dae go anywhere, because he needed his petting time. It was cute. Today I just hung out with Dae and Sax and helped watched the boys. Now I'm sitting in Aunty Mary and Uncle Don's room with Nai. Messing with the internet. I'm ready for school to start back. Monday won't be a long day. We've only got 15 minute class and what makes it even better is that the girls and I all have classes together. Now I won't be stuck with just Jenn and some of those other weird people.

Anyway, here are some lyrics from some songs that I have just fallen in love with.

Baby ballerina's hiding somewhere in the corner where the shadows wrap around her and our torches cannot find her. She will stay there till the morning, crawl behind us as we are yawning and she will leave our game to never be the same. So grow tall sugarcane. Eat that soil, drink the rain, but know they'll chase you if you play their little games. So run, run fast sugarcane. You see my peep-show booth is handy. There's a one-way-only mirror so I can dance with my hair down but I don't see if you get bitter and there's a button right beside me if I happen to want a wall to hide me, of only the ballerina had on too. So, grow tall sugarcane. Eat that soil, drink the rain, but know they'll chase you if you play there little games. So run, run fast sugarcane. Yeah, you better run, run fast sugarcane. And she said always be afraid. Yeah, you should always be afraid. To grow tall sugarcane. Eat that soil, drink the rain, but know they'll chase you if you play their little games. So you better run, run fast sugarcane. Yeah, you better run, run fast sugarcane.
-Sugarcane- Missy Higgins

Beware the danger, it lurks for those who get swept away. The dreamers get punished mostly by truth. They say it's all in the little ways one reveals their love's gone away, love's gone away. When my hand was in your hand, my heart was pure. Now I see a different man, rewriting memories. The dogs run down the beach and all I'm left with is sand in my shoes, sand in my shoes. Fools like me, we love blindly. And the cracks don't count; it's gotta break in front of me. Now I recall that time at the café, the thunderstorm outside. Words you could never say, they hold the loudest tones. You saw, you'll write, but it's ink on paper, just ink on paper. Fools like me, we love blindly. And the cracks don't count; it's gotta break in front of me. Tic toc the time, distant look grows in your eye, but fools never ask, afraid of what lurks in your mind. I always knew, somehow, always knew. I always knew the truth. Fools like me, we love blindly. And the cracks don't count; it's gotta break in front of me. At least I can say I was not afraid. I love you all the way. I'd pick the fool any day.
-Fools Like Me- Vanessa Carlton

Holiday and I've come home. Hope to see this boy I know; I can't wait for us to be alone. Flippin' through the radio, we sing along to the indie show. The songs they play mean more than I can say. And that tape I made you, hope you think of me when it plays through. Feel kinda sad now that it's done. You think my time's for free in all the ways you say to me, sweet versions of "let's wait and see." But you're always a golden boy and I'm the girl that you enjoy. My parents say,"Isn't he a gifted son?" Time is always passing by and still I have to wonder why you can't come and tell me I'm the one. Summer goes and we have grown. We have our friends, live on our own. Still, I'm not the girl you want me to be. See, gravity can bend the time. Funny, I always liked your mind, but this while thing id crushing me. Well, you're always the golden boy in this girl's heart that you destroyed. You smile at me and then you have your fun. Time is always passing by, still I give you another try and hope that you will see that I'm the one. You say you're scared to get too close. Come, let's see how it goes. I see him now, at the show. 7th in the 7th row. And now you look at me and see what I've known for so long. It's sad that you can be so lovely, yet so wrong. Came to say that I moved. I see your face, you don't approve. Guess you could say I'm already gone. But, you'll always be my golden boy and I'm the summer girl that you enjoy. Some melody's are best left undone. I feel the time pass away, but in my songs you'll always stay. Don't need for you to tell me I'm the one. Oh no, no, don't need for you to tell me I'm the one. You'll never know that I was the one.
-The One- Vanessa Carlton.

Well, I guess I'm gonna go and hang with Nai and then go to bed. Hope everyone enjoys their night.
LAter
<33 Anne

I'm already doubting if I'm good enough; already second guessing my ability to make it in my profession. Mr. B said most students do that right before they graduate. I sometimes ask myself why I wanted to get into Graphic Design and how I ever thought that I had the talent to actually do it. Then, I have a rush of memories, all of Grams. I'd remember those afternoons spent in her craft room getting lessons. We had been having these lessons every summer ever since I was about 2 or 3. Well, at least that's what I'm told. She always knew how to solve the problem and how to make everything look just right. It makes me wonder if I'm making her proud. For a long time art was my escape; I was selfish with it. I kept it for me and the connection I felt with Grams, even after she died. Now I want to share it, but I'm afraid that I won't quite measure up to what she would expect. I find it hard to trust my own judgment because I'm my worst critic, and the only opinion I want is hers. But I can't get it, so nothing is ever quite good enough; it's never quite what I had envisioned; never exactly what I want. I'm just as self-assured as everyone I'm competing with and I guess it's because for so long it was something that was just for me, and not the world. I'm constantly reassured of my talent by my peers and my professors, but that doesn't seem to be good enough. Sometimes I wonder what things would be like if I could show Grams my work. I wonder what she would think, and what she would say because the last thing I would want to do is disappoint her; especially after all she has taught me.

Anyway, I recently heard a song by Elliot Yamin called I'm the Man. And I LOVE it. Here are the lyrics.

When I woke up with the sunlight and dreams echoing through my head and I heard you breathing softly I remember the things you said. There is no time, there is no place that you would rather be; that the good times or the hard times as long as you're here with me. 'Cause I'm the man who holds my ground; I'm the man who sticks around; I'm the man to hold you tight. I'm the man in love with you. When I lay down and the moon is bright at the end of a working day, got feelings, I believe it and I won't let it slip away. There is no time, there is no place that you would rather be in the cruel world on a cold night as long as you're here with me. I'm the man who holds my ground; I'm the man who sticks around; I'm the man to hold you tight 'cause I'm the man in love with you. 'Cause it can't get much better and all we have is time as long we're together I know it's gonna be alright. 'Cause I'm the man who holds my ground; I'm the man who sticks around. I'm the man to hold you tight 'cause I'm the man in love with you. With you, with. In love with you.

I love it. It makes me smile, and it gives me hope that there just might be someone like this out there for me. I guess I'm falling for all those fairy tales because I saw Enchanted tonight with Nai, Sax and Dae. It was cute and it made me believe in fairy tales a little but more than yesterday. I wonder if I could create a lawsuit against movie companies for giving girls the false hope of a "prince charming" because today, not to many of those exist.

I guess I'm off to bed for the night. Hope you guys are having a GREAT week. Night.
LAter
<33 Anne

I find it interesting how, although I fit in among my friends here at school, I'm also strangely apart. I guess it's kinda weird to explain. If find the more I get t know these people I call my friends I wonder why I am friends with them. I know these aren't the kind of people I associated with (so to speak) in high school. I did hate high school though. I guess my values and personal beliefs affect a lot of how I perceive those around me. It amazes me how many people claim to be Christians but then tell me about their sex lives, or the drugs they did over the week end. Now I know no one is perfect, but these people are the type to point out others flaws at the drop of a hat. They make sure everyone knows that they're sinning. I just can't wrap my head around the double standards. It also amazes me how people can break it off with their fiance and then two or three days later be telling me about the new guy that they've found. I guess maybe it's the way I was raised, or maybe my standards are a little different. I can't just go out with any guy. I like to get to know people first. I guess that also goes along with my whole trust thing. Trusting people does not come fast to me, it takes a good amount of time before I completely open up to people.
I know society tells us all of this is okay, the sex and drugs that is, but I never realized how many people are actually having premarital sex and have had multiple partners. One girl told me today that she just hit the double digits last night. All I can help to think is "And I wanted to know because. . .??" I don't get it and most likely never will. I guess I'm just too old fashioned for this fast paced world. Oh well.

LAter
<33 Anne

Fear. Fear is something we all possess. Whether the fear is rational or irrational. Either way, it's there. Some people fear snakes, spiders. Then there are those more ridiculous fears, like pickles and jars of olives. Either way these fears are the ones that always seem to paralyze us. No matter what we do, we can't seem to escape these fears. Most of us don't talk about our fears. We leave for ourselves, for our own minds to ponder.
My fears aren't those of snakes, or spiders. They aren't of pickles or jars of olives either. My fears consist more of making something of myself. I fear letting my parents down, letting myself down, but most of all, letting GOD down. I know there are things I should be doing, and things I shouldn't being doing. And sometimes things I was told are wrong and right are getting all blended together. I guess it's all apart of growing up and determining who I am and what I want out of my life. I still want what's best for me, but I also want my parents approval. I want to know that what I'm doing is what they want for me. Sometimes it's hard to determine whether or not I'm doing what they think is best for me. yet again, I guess that just goes with the whole growing up thing. I know I let GOD down everyday, but that's something everyone faces at one time or another. It's hard for me to be 100% trusting of GOD. I don't know why, but it's just gotten harder. I have no reason not to trust HIM, but I can't seem to give up my life entirely. I guess this is just something else I have to work through.
I also fear ending up alone forever; I fear never finding love again. I want the whole great job, amazing husband, adorable kids, but there are moments when I get this feeling in my stomach that I'm not suppose to have those things. That it's just going to be me. I feel it more and more the longer I'm around people at school, or when I talk to people from high school (it's kinda weird saying "from high school" because that wasn't too long ago). It almost seems like everyone has found someone. My friends are either married, engaged, or in a relationship. Don't let me lead you to believe that I NEED someone beside me, because that's not it at all. It's more of a feeling that everyone else is finding out who they are and who they're suppose to be with, and here I am still working on the Anne K. thing, and I have no idea who I'm suppose to be with. It's mind blowing how people my age think of dating and relationships. I don't think I'd ever be able to date a guy a week after I've meet him, maybe not even a month. I like to take time to get to know people on a personal level before I get to involves. Hanging out with people is fun, but the one on one is better when you're looking for a more personal relationship with someone. I think the earliest I could even determine whether a guy is actually worth my attention is probably after six months of knowing him, but that's even questionable. I've been on a couple dates that people have set me up on, but that was when I worked at the daycare. I guess I'm just too old fashioned. I like the who idea of the guy being a gentleman. You know, opening doors, pushing in chairs. I love holding hangs, kissing, and curling up together when it's cold. It's hard to find a decent guy in today's world. I guess all I can do is wait.



Seems the only one that doesn't see your beauty is the face in the mirror looking back at you. You walk around here thinking you're not pretty, but that's not true 'cause I know you. Hold on baby, you're losing it. The water's high and you're jumping into it and letting go. And no one knows that you cry, but you don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one and you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone. I guess it's true that love is all you wanted because you're giving it away like extra change, hoping it will end up in his pocket. But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain. Oh, cause it's not his price to pay, not his price to pay. Gold on baby, you're losing it. The water's high and you're jumping into it and letting go. And no one knows that you cry, but you don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one and you're tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone. You're tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone.
-Tied Together with a Smile- Taylor Swift

I'm not ready to confront. I'd rather cement my words this way. This could be the easy road out, but I'm just not all that happy, so I'm writing all this down and I'll file it in a drawer someday in lieu of a conversation that we'll forget to have anyway. I won't hold anything back, and I won't hold anything in. Feel like I know where this is going and I might know how it ends, but I'm still willing to begin. You should know my story by now and why I'm optimistic cautiously. I understand it's not your fault, but I'm not taking anything back. You still end up with most of me. I won't hold anything back, and I won't hold anything in. Feel like I know where this is going and I might know how it ends, but I'm still willing to begin. I expect you to fly from New York to LA and land on my doorstep and smile at me and say it was worth it to see most of me. Do you love most of me? You're just crossing paths with the way he left me. I'm not saying a word, but I'm watching you quietly. You're gonna have to prove me wrong before I know this is right. We don't have to decide tonight. Just wait for me patiently and you'll get all of me.
-Most of Me- Mandy Moore

Did you check the tires; put gas in the car. Don't think you'll need too much 'cause you ain't gonna get that far. Did you pack the good times; don't forget the map, just in case the route you take isn't there to take you back. You can hold any girl that you like; fall in love when it's easy at night, but you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better. When you're lost and run out of road, fine what I already know, in the end, close is all there is, but you won't find this. No, you won't find this. Now there's once in a lifetime and there's once in a while. And the difference between the two is about a million miles. Oh, you might get lucky while the moon is looking on but in the truth of the morning the stars will be long gone. You can hold any girl that you like; fall in love when it's easy at night, but you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better. When you're lost and you run out of road, find what I already know, in the end close is all there is, but you won't find this. You can hold any girl that you like; fall in love when it's easy at night, but you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better. When you're lost and you've run out of road, find out what I already know, in the end close is all there is. In the end, it's me you're gonna miss 'cause you won't find this. No, you won't find this.
-You Won't Find This- Carrie Underwood

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I still loved you. And suppose that I said I want to come back home. And suppose I cried and said I think I finally learned my lesson and I'm tired of spending all my time alone. If I told you that I realized you're all I ever wanted and it's killing me to be so far away, would you tell me that you loved me too. And would we cry together or would you simply laugh and say I told you so, I told you so. I told you some day you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in. I told you so, but you had to go. Now I've found someone new and you will never break my heart in two again. If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever would you get down on yours too and take my hand? Would we get that old-time feeling? Would we laugh and talk for hours the way we did when our love first began? Would you tell me that you missed me too and that you've been so lonely and you've waited for the day that I returned and we'd live and love forever and that I'm your one and only or would you say the table's finally been turned and would you say I told you so, I told you so. I told you some day you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in. I told you so, but you had to go now I've found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again?
-Told You So- Carrie Underwood

I can hear you whisper when you're holding your breath; I can crawl deep inside of you and bring out what is left. Oh and how I need to be grounded; how you need to see the sky. You have the wings to master; you have the soul to fly. What does love mean to you when I'm miles away. My lips seem to be moving, but you can't hear a word I say. How can our lives be so different when we sleep in the same bed. I know your life's a burden, but could you dream with me instead. Things are never perfect, oh how hard you try. You need to have a purpose; you need to ask why. Your senses see so differently then mine or so it seems. Your heart asks the questions, my heart just dream. What does love mean to you when I'm miles away. My lips seem to be moving, but you don't hear the words I say. How can our life be so differently when we sleep in the same bed? I know your life's a burden but could you dream with me instead? Go ahead and lay your head on my pillow dear and say good bye to all your fears and rest assured there'll be no tears right here. What does love me to you when I'm miles away? My lips seem to be moving, but you don't hear a word I say. How can our lives be so differently when we sleep in the same bed? I know your life's a burden, but could you dream with me instead?
-Instead- Lori McKenna

This is an obsessions, a kind of aggression with himself. It's the way he'll always be. He loves to rebel; to go against his ten commandments. For him, that's just being free. And he always will get his thrills the only way he knows how. Well, it might make you frown, but he loves being that dove, roaming where he cares to go; to a state of mind that no one knows. Over there stands my angry angel and she's shaking her head in disgrace with me. Yeah, over there stands my angry angel and she's and she's frowning like hell, but I'm not feeling guilty. Over and over again; more and more for the pain to release himself from his shell. Time after time you may glare at him for the way he looks like something drawn up from hell, but that's just cover for what is under it. All his imagination, his passion for creation which he has discovered, uncovered a world of amazing sensations. His own little nation. I don't care, I'm flying.
-Angry Angel- Imogen Heap



Things are rather boring here in Charlotte. It's funny, I'm actually excited about going home this weekend. I think it's been a little over two weeks since I've been home. I know that doesn't sound like long compared to most people, but I tend to stop in and visit a little more often. Besides if I'm already in T-ville/High Point/ Greensboro I might as well pop in and say hey and grab some stuff. That just seems like the nice thing to do. And I like seeing my mom and dad every now and then. Besides, I'm growing up and soon, it won't be every two or so weeks that I see them, so I'm taking time to appreciate the time I do get with them. Does that sound corny??? Oh well, I guess I'll be corny then, it just so happens that's one of the few things I'm good at.
Night all, I've got class in the a.m.
LAter
<33 Anne

P.S. 20 days until my B-Day! Woo Hoo??? Maybe, a Thanksgiving B-day just doesn't sound appealing this year. Maybe I'll celebrate early and do something crazy like. . . I don't know, lemme work on it. Night all.

Skipping beats, blushing cheeks. I am struggling; daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner cafe and then I'm left in bits recovering tectonic trembling. You get me every time. Why d'ya have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you. Must you make me laugh so much; it's bad enough we get along so well. Say goodnight and go. Follow you home; you've got you headphones on and you're dancing.
-Goodnight and Go- Imogen heap.

I'd don't wanna see you anymore, I'm just not that strong. I love it when you're here, but I'm better when you're gone. I'm certain that I'm giving and oh how you can take. There's no use in looking, there's nothing left for you to break. Baby, please release me. We both know that you don't need me. Let my heart rest in pieces.
-Pieces- Rascal Flatts

I've seen what you can do; I've seen you make miracles and hopeless dreams come true. You made the heavens and the stars, everything come on how hard could it be to make her love me?
-Make Her Love Me-Rascal Flatts

Do I cry in the night; do I long to hold you tight? Do I wake wanting you? Yes I do. Do I recall every day, how you took my breath away? Do I remember loving you? Yes I do. Yes I do dream of all we had together. Guess it's true we lost if all forever. Do I pray anyway? Yes I do.
-Yes I Do- Rascal Flatts

Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight. I need help believing you're with me tonight. My wildest dreams could not foresee lying beside you with you wanting me. Just for this moment, as long as you're mine. I've lost all resistance and crossed some borderline. And if it turns out it's over too fast I'll make every last moment last; as long as you're mine.
-As Long As You're Mine- Wicked

Let his flesh not be torn; let his blood leave no stain. Though they may beat him, let him feel no pain. Let his bones ever break and however they try to destroy him let him never die, let him never die!
- No Good Deed- Wicked

I'm limited, just look at me. i'm limited and just look at you. You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda. So now it's up to you. For both if us; now it's up to you. I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason; bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow. If we let them and we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you. Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passed a sun. Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good. It may be well that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So let me say before we part so much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine by being my friend. Like ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea. Like seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood. Who can say I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you; because I knew you I have been changed for good. And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for, but then, I guess we know there's blame to share. And none of it seems to matter anymore.
-For Good- Wicked




It's interesting how people here are so judgmental. I have been getting all this crap from people just because I went to the Forum last night with Brittany. I mean honestly people it was one night. I went dancing with some of my friends one night. I get crap for going out one night when there are all these girls who go out EVERY single week. They go to every club, and then they stay with some random guy that they just met. I made it back on time. Hell, I even went to ALL my classes. Why in the world is it a big deal if I went out one night. I don't understand how so many people can get upset over something that doesn't concern them. It was one night with three pretty amazing girls. Dinner and dancing. I don't see how this could involve so many people I live with and have classes with. It's not like we came back drunk, loud, and disrupting everyone. I hate when people think they have the right to tell me what I'm doing is wrong because they don't think it's right. What's right for one person isn't always right for everyone else. I just want people to understand that it was just a fun night. I just wish people would let me make my own decisions. I've been doing it before I started school, and I do believe my parents wouldn't care. I hate living with all girls. They piss me off. We NEED some testosterone up in here.

<33 Anne

Just some more lyrics to songs that have captured my attention lately:

I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you so. I shoulda held on tight, I never shoulda let you go. I didn't know nothing; I was stupid; I was foolish; I was lying to myself. i couldn't fathom never being without your love and now I'm sitting here beside myself 'cause I didn't know you; 'cause I didn't know me, but I thought I knew everything. I never felt the feeling that I'm feelin' now that I can't hear your voice, or have your touch and kiss your lips 'cause I don't have a choice. What I wouldn't give to have you lying by my side right here.
- We Belong Together- Mariah Carey

The killer in me likes to see you cry, but the coward in me won't let you die. I can't say what I feel for fear you might fall; I'm afraid for you, I'm afraid for us all. The killer in me likes to see you cry, but the coward in me won't let you, won't let you die.
-The Ledge- Lori McKenna

I kissed goodbye the boy that I called home, then I changed in ways I can't express. I forgot that boy I loved the best, who's keepin' me from feeling so alone. So you can California, New York's nice but I can't stay. Send my love to Carolina 'cause she's just to far away. I am headed for my love I gotta go. I am headed for my home in Ohio.
-Ohio- Saving Jane

Once I saw the sun far away. You knew I would be the one to fulfill your prophecy and how dare I love you, what gives me the right. Baby, give me one kiss goodnight. We line our backs and the sun is fleeting. You never promised me the world, and if you did I messed up your meaning. So, you can speak to me in metaphors and lies. Baby, it's okay give me one kiss good night. We've been through this all before. We're just pushing along searching for more. But I'm telling you to open up your eyes, and close them again and give me one kiss goodnight. We'll never make it this way day after day. When I love you just becomes another phrase to say Still there's something when you look me in the eye, really look at me m and give me one kiss goodnight. One kiss goodnight. yeah one kiss goodnight. Look how we captured ourselves here. We're holding on to something that's mostly fear, but I'm telling you to open your eyes and close them again and give me one kiss goodnight. One kiss goodnight.
One Kiss Goodnight- Lori McKenna

There is part of me that wants an answer and a part of me that doesn't want to know. There is a part of you I am in love with and a part that I am willing to let go. This is a delicate unraveling. Now and then I find pieces on the floor; tiny little bits that tell me maybe I shouldn't take this or love you anymore. Someone's gonna have to fess up, someone's gonna have to clean this mess up. I wanted the first time, I loved you from the second. Don't know how that ever goes away. And as far as I can tell you're really good at talking. So, I think it's time you let me know I'm your latest mistake. I wonder what will make you happy. I wonder what you'll do with it all. I have a map in my head and somehow I still don't understand why I have to always miss, why I have to make the call. Someone's gonna have to fess up, someone's gonna have to clean this mess up. I wanted you the first time. I loved you from the second. And as far as I can tell, you're really good at talking. So, I think it's time you let me know that I'm your latest mistake. Before you drive away, take a good look at me baby, picture me not lying on your couch. I wish the best for you every time that you go thru this before you finally figure it out. I wanted you the first time, I loved you from the second. Don't know how that ever goes away. And as far as I can tell, you're really good at talking. So, I think it'd time you let me know that I'm just your latest mistake. I think it's time you let me know I'm your latest, I, I'm your latest mistake.
-Latest Mistake- Mandy Moore

She likes chocolate in the morning. She drinks her coffee late at night. You can sense that she is guarded, but that's alright. She'll fall asleep while you're still talking with unfinished books beside her bed. She'll cancel all of her appointments to go shopping instead. And in spite of what is right, far beyond what she'd expect. When the moon begs the question will have the answer yet? Can't you just adore her? Can't you just adore her? She loves to watch the sunset, but she is partial to the rain. With those tears and that umbrella, her allure goes unexplained. You made dinner in your apartment. You both assume that she'll be late. She always has the best intentions 'cause her goodness is innate. And in spite of what is right, far beyond what she'd expect. When the moon begs the question will you have the answer yet> Can't you just adore her? Can't you just adore her? Why can't you just adore her? I like chocolate in the morning. I drink my coffee late at night.
-Can't You Just Adore Her- Mandy Moore

Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true.
-Wicked-

Please don't forget that I'm thinking of you. Your finger prints on everything that I do. Please don't be lonely 'cause I'm coming home. I'll be back before you ever knew I was gone. Well, I gotta hit the road. I'm tired but I'm going 'cause a dreamer never sleeps and that's for sure. So, I'm leaving you, but I'll be home soon. Don't cry, you know I love you. Gotta see the world, but I'm still your girl and I'm fine. I'll always love you.
-Far From Home- Saving Jane

I guess that's all for now.
<33 Anne